Flanker. His stereotypical dour Yorkshireman image leads to much abuse in the clubhouse. Now a 'creep' so is a real pain in the backside. All his penalties are given away intentionally and his kicking is a sight to behold.

Scrum Half / Wing / Full-back. Current Club treasurer. He claims he is a black belt however all evidence point to this being Origami. If he spends anymore time on the bench this season he has ideas of buying a ski suit (where did this come from Nathan...?). He is a natural show boater who never passes. We all love him because he can and will bend over backwards for anyone (his team mates coming before Ja(y)ne of course)

Flanker. Dangerous to be in a night-club with! First AEI player ever to be sin-binned (for lying on the floor and being punched!). Does anyone remember attempting to carry this chap into a lift while he was in his element giggling on the floor? And then throwing him onto the bed and waking up a certain Martin Neal? Interesting night I can tell you...

Winger/Full back. Much too old, fat and ugly and Welsh....oh no that's a good thing!. Actually he was born in Solihull. Nowadays prefers going shopping at Tesco with his new girlfriend.

Wing or fullback (who thinks he's a centre). After a season off baby sitting, is now back as fixtures secretary and centre! Quite regularly attempts doing the 'individualistic flair' bit, and most of the time succeeds.

(Fly-half/Centre). His "completely natural" blond locks certainly make him look the part at fly half. However, his limpet like tackling proves he can also play a bit. A game is not complete without Paul emptying the contents of his stomach at the side of the pitch. Has strangely stopped getting injured recently. At the age of 25 he represents the clubs youth policy!

Centre...runs very fast, scores alot...off injured far too regularly, but when fit, zoooom!

Son of 'Trainer Terry'. Centre. Our very own little soldier. General pretty boy really. Pulling technique needs working on, especially while plastered up town. Appears to be able to run quite fast with the occasion dabble in the extraordinary art of what I believe is called scoring. Has played for AEI since the 2000/1 season, and keeps on coming back?! Apparently Terry (see below) calls him 'Sweat Not' as he doesn't break into one... nice

Club Trainer. Blind as a bat, perpetually injured (nothing changes), and whatever shirt he wears, he always assumes the role of flanker. Recently fitted with a pacemaker which might mean he can now last a match, but seems to prefer the linesman's position (and who'd blame him). Likes teaching the youngsters his age old dancing skills on tours...lovely mate

Full Back. Too small, definitely too thin, and doesn't last long enough against team like Newbold III. Has quite a weak shoulder so it seems. Hasn't played rugby in about four years and is presently coming to terms with having played a woman's' game for such a long time (He's a footballer...huh!). Quoted as having said he has slept with someone older than his mum...I've got a magazine just right for you at home you know :o)

Age: too old, Former centre, fixtures secretary and webmaster. Now retired, honest!

Water boy and super-sub. How can he stand up with that belly? Was actually seen appearing in the front row? Hooker I believe. You want a second opinion too?

Second row/flanker. Has the deserved reputation of 'Stamper'. Could improve his ball retention. Honestly believes he has retired...Where has the Italian-stallion gone? Was last seen wondering round the streets of Nijnmegan searching for a bit of 'fun'...hmmm...

Mate of Derek Robinson - what more is there to say?! Apparently likes intercepting passes and running 70 yards up the pitch. You go guy!

("Jocky") Ever reliable and unmovable(!) prop, creep and club stalwart. Professes to be Scottish/French/anyone who beats England. Whats wrong with that? :o) Now sadly, retired from the scrapheap that is AEIRFC but I am sure we will witness his skills again sometime soon...

Prop/Lock/Flanker?! Only mentioned him because his Dad wants to see his name in lights!

Hooker/flanker. Don't tell anyone is real name is Arthur!

Centre/wing. Much too old and unfit for our style of play!

("Mad Dog") Former Club Captain and chief pie-eater. Back row. Holds club record for both number of stitches and number of tap penalties in one season. Recently married and now prefers to go shopping. How the mighty have fallen!

Winger. Will not say anything in case his wife reads this.....but his dancing in a Dutch club was something to behold...

Lock. The current brains of the family. Appears from nowhere occasionally...

Anywhere that works? After a bit of a rest from rugby (I think?) he has stormed back with AEI. Two tries in two matches...Am I reading this right?

Prop. Moaned a lot when called "The original Moaning Git". Like a fine wine, his moaning only improves with age! Playing again, which is good to see (but don't you think he's a bit scary?) Now Treasurer.

Back Row/Winger/Centre/Prop/Hooker?. An 18 year old playing for AEI? Surely some mistake?! Current Webmaster...yes its me! Also Captain of AEI Sevens and Tens teams of 2003.

Second Row or in the backs somewhere. Otherwise known as the self proclaimed Indian King of AEI, the 'Rapmaster G' is one of only three people to score a try for an AEI sevens team and despite his small stature, he is Goliath in disguise.

Centre/anywhere. Wife says too old but still younger than 90% of the side so can get a game. Apparently believes that playing as a second row is, quote, 'a doddle'. NEWSFLASH: Guess where you'll be playing next week!

Any position but Scrum Half : Began playing career at age of 11 as a prop forward which explains the passing skills. One of the longest serving members of the AEI Club and most procreative (see children in the bar). Appearances recently suffered due to total commitment and hence injuries (per T Bott), also not attractive and youthful enough (see G Wood). Noted for passing occasionally, but not for accuracy and height [is that height of passes or a reference to his full 5'6"?]. In a straw poll voted most likely to fall over when drunk. (Now wears full body armour!) Where have you gone?

Winger/Slapper. Too thin, fluffy and glamorous. If you forget who he is, he was otherwise known as 'Softly Spoken Gay Dave' as per Mr. Sargeant. Believes he has retired (he's only 18!) due to being a bit of a whus! I think those Oxford restaurant fry-ups finally took their toll right mate? Come on Dave...we need you...honestly...ummm, do I sound convincing?

("Stack") Club Chairman. Scrum-half, full-back, flanker, anything. The clubs longest serving player and self confessed "finest singer". Is rumoured to love his wife. (Yes he does, yes he does.)

Club Secretary. Hooker. Little brother of Stack with similar singing tendencies. Great organiser of the club despite getting his Mum to type the committee meeting minutes. Now plays almost as often as Stack.

Scrum-half. Amazes the whole team who stand back and watch his quixotic running and then scrape him off the ground. Grubber kicking leaves something to be desired. Struggles to find women shorter than him. Still quite fit, yet I don't see him play much.

Hooker? Way to small...but anyone who runs into six forwards twice his size is either brave or stupid....the latter I believe...

Centre. Pretty-boy. Played for AEI 200/1 season, and yes he is quite fast.

Second Row, Front Row, Winger...blah blah...to be honest this guy is rubbish, but at least he turns up! Puts you old boys to shame! Scoring in a sevens tournament caps it all off.

("Woody") Scrum-half. One of the youngest (formerly), cutest and fittest members of the team. Only his passing and kicking let him down. Doesn't play enough these days. Plays in London...tut tut